LOVEBOMBING SETS THE STAGE FOR EMOTIONAL ABUSE

 

Love bombing is a psychological manipulation tactic where someone shows excessive attention, admiration, and affection. The too-good-to-be-true kind of feeling. This happens often very early in a relationship in order to win over the other person. 

If you recently met someone that admires you and the person is overly kind to you with courtesies, text messages, lunch or dinner dates, gifts, and other forms of generosity, beware of love bombing!

How do you know it is love bombing?

Give a second thought to any love that is too good to be true. This does not mean there are no genuine people, but there are people that lovebomb others to take advantage of them. They start by expressing an interest in you. There is no harm in that, right? Next, they are good listeners, and they give you the attention that you seek. This is an important part of their strategy so they understand your likes and desires. When they know you very well, then they play the lovebomb game to ensure they win you over by all means. If you are not careful, you may make decisions that are lower than your intelligence quotient.

Watch out for the following red flags:

• Overwhelming compliments and declarations of love or likeness very early
• Constant texting or calling, often appreciating immediate responses
• Grand gestures that feels too kind or generous
• Push for quick commitments, for example, move in, getting engaged, relationship commitment, etc.
• Discouraging you from seeing friends and family
• Shifting quickly to criticism or withdrawal if you pull away or set boundaries

Why is love bombing a red flag?

Love bombing mimics genuine affection, but it ends in bitter tears. You end up further wounded. The reasons why someone will love bomb you are to:

• Build emotional dependency
• Isolate the other person
• Set the stage for emotional abuse or control
• Create confusion when the behaviour suddenly changes

Anyone that love bombs does not have a good intention towards you. The person is most likely a manipulator and an opportunist. What is important is your ability to discern a set of actions as love bombing. Beware that love bombing can go on for as long as the person benefitting continues to benefit.

Anytime you discover that what seems like true affection is love bombing, do not hesitate to end the relationship. Be prepared; the love bomber will always play the victim. Do not be swayed; he or she knows what he or she is doing. Do not be played any further. Most people that love bomb others are narcissists, opportunists, or into sex magic.

Remember to always take your time to grow in affection and love. Love blossoms naturally. It shouldn't feel too fast, and the other partner shouldn't pull away when you set boundaries. If it is truly affection or love as they claim, they will wait for you. Do not be rushed into being ready to accept love.

Do you feel confused and need someone to give you some clarity? Send me an email: auntiegbemi@gmail.com.

Pain Pays

He who will live to tell the story of a war must not die in the battle. Some battles must be lost for some to be won. In a case where you are not strong enough to fight the attackers, you should be ready to lose the battle or die. A wise man will choose the former to the latter. We lose some battle to live to fight again, maybe then as a better and fortified warrior. Every wise individual must know when to retreat and the time to surrender.

 Life itself is pain. A mother gives life to a child in terrible pains. The child comes out of her mother’s womb in pain; no wonder, the baby cries when it arrives on planet earth. A baby that does not cry at birth (if there is any) is abnormal.

Pain (physical or emotional) brings the best out of every individual- the reason why the career/ life coach advocates leaving the comfort zone. Emotional pains teaches character and makes one a better individual. Little wonder the age long saying, experience (bitter in most cases) is the best teacher, remains invaluable.

Physical pains, in the form of exercises help in keeping fit. The diva with the great, mind-blowing and head turning shape goes through painful physical exercises to retain the compliments. The CEO in that outstanding organization experiences painful and sacrificial sleepless nights to keep shining in that lofty position that should be envied.

Pains make living worth it. A skin that does not feel pain is leprous. No one likes leprosy, therefore pains should be appreciated. Every success has a story which is mostly that of pain and perseverance.

Pain is worth appreciating. Appreciate the painful moments. Enjoy the storms of life  when you can!

As We Wrap up a Year to Unfold Another.

It is about time to say good bye to the year 2011. It's been a year for me. Full of many reasons to thank God. January for me was quite boring and I was as well full of hope. February was very hectic I must confess. In March, I was a lot more confused than ever before in my dear life. Between April and September I wish I didnt have the life I had. Between October and December, I picked up the life from where i dropped it.

In all these, God has been merciful, gracious and faithful. There are many things to appreciate God for. I was not hospitalised all through the year, God granted me journey mercies all through, I have food on my table, I didn't lose any loved one, I have hope in life, I have Jesus by my side, I can eat, I can walk, I can breathe and many things I can't count.

I am full of hope that there are better days ahead! The year 2012 is for signs and wonders. Things only keep getting better.

Cheers!

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Ask me who a friend should be? I will tell you, he or she is that person that loves you from your weak points, ready to bear your shame and sacrifice unconditionally.

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Peace is great to possess but greed is the enemy of peace. Greed is innate in every man but complemented by self-control. Greed simply aids darkness and enhances traps.
-Gbemi Orims.

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In a world where every man runs helter-skelter for selfish gains, control your level of trust even in your religious circus which is where trust is embedded and most times betrayed.
- Gbemi Orims.

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No man falls into an evil trap without having expressed his greedy nature.